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The Federal Office for Magical Creatures calls vampires to out themselves

BONN (FOMC) The Federal Office for Magical Creatures calls vampires, the bity part of the population, the fellow citizens who need a diet containing haemoglobin, to come out on the occasion of the forthcoming Halloween celebrations.

Vampire at the G8 conference of the magical Realms in the Maritim
Vampire at the G8 conference of the magical Realms in the Maritim

In principle, the normal vampire – and the Federal Office for Magical Creatures, given the large number of known cases, confirms that – is a fellow citizen who is rooted in everyday life, who is fully integrated in life. He holds down a regular job, for example in the film business, is culturally educated and knows how to give interviews.

The species of vampires is diverse, you can still find representatives of the old kind here and there, who need a sunblocker with sun protection factor 10.000 because of their genetically caused feature. Most of them, however, are suitable for every day life, some of them even have evolved and have chosen a more extremely dealing with the sun. They sparkle, what more traditional vampires view with a great deal of suspicion. Some of these representatives of the old tradition insist that these sparkling vampires are no vampires.

Also other sides confirm that vampires nowadays are no longer a threat but seen as a mostly accepted part of the community. A survey, made by Infratest/DIMAP among 1000 pupils of the Edward-Cullen-und-Bella-Swan-Gesamtschule in Pfaffenhofen near Oberpatschenknallbach an der Knatter, showed that 80% of the girls would love to have a vampire as their boyfriend and even 10% of the boys sympathise with that idea. The majority though prefers to play with a werewolf.

In the past you called a priest to get rid of vampires …

A vampire with his groupies
A vampire with his groupies

The truth is that the general attitude towards vampires has changed. In the past you called a priest to get rid of a vampire, today it is more likely that you call a vampire to get rid of a priest.

The population has by now clearly realised who sucks whom and who harasses whom with his squalidness. It is not the vampire.

today you call a vampire to get rid of a priest

At the Federal Office for Magical Creatures there is a casual conversational tone, when it comes to the dealings with vampires who work for the Federal Office. It came about that the yearly offered flu vaccination goes hand in hand with an examination of the haemogram. A quick bite, a sensory examination of the blood, and the vampire explains the staff what things he has to watch out for in his future diet. Too much cholesterol in the blood – that simply doesn’t work and triggers a severe belching for the vampire.

The Federal Office for Magical Creatures has already set in a Regulation for the Safety of Children of gay and non-sparkling Vampires that they can not be expected to go to a catholic kindergarten. Children from this background are eligible for a child minder that is not religiously impregnated. (-> FOMC-VO 2014/10-15)

One of our young vampire trainees at the Federal Office for Magical Creatures.
One of our young vampire trainees at the Federal Office for Magical Creatures.

The Federal Office for Magical Creatures calls the vampire community to finally take the step into the public and to introduce themselves as a valueable and integrated member of the society. We would like to publish a series of portraits and self-portrayals of well known and  less well known vampires in a loose order.

Contribution with picture and text to the FOMC

We are looking for bity boys and girls in daily life scenes, via selfie or put in the limelight, who introduce themselves with an article about their lives. The Federal Office will publish these contributions via usual channels. Whoever comes to Bonn for the RingCon, can have their photograph taken by photographer Barbara Frommann at the booth of the Federal Office for Magical Creatures.

Please send the contributions (texts in English or German as a Word file, pictures as jpg at least800 x 600px) to info@bafmw.org

Wahrlich, Dein Amt sagt Dir, künde vom Wirken des Bundeslurchs allenthalben und allüberall:

Über Hagen Ulrich

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Hagen Ulrich, Jahrgang 1967, lebt mit Ehemann und sieben Katzen in Bonn am Rhein. Hexen, Drachen, Vampire und andere magische Wesen sind kein Problem, wenn man sie ordentlich verwaltet. Schließlich hat in Deutschland alles seine Ordnung. Basierend auf dieser Idee, entwickelte er die Idee einer Behörde, die sich um die Belange magischer Mitbürger kümmert. So entstand das Bundesamt für magische Wesen. Hagen Ulrich kam nach dem Besuch einer Ladys Night zu Twilight zum Schreiben und veröffentlicht seine Romane im Himmelstürmer Verlag in Hamburg.

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