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Flying Brooms for the German Federal Armed Forces: Defence project „Iron Brush“

Fliegende Besen Schweizer Bundesheer

BONN (FOMC) – The Federal Office for Magical Creatures (FOMC) was informed that the Swiss army is testing or already using alternative means of transportation. Specific and verified field reports are not available, but by all appearances Swiss soldiers are using flying brooms to get to their places of action.

Flying brooms in the Swiss armed forces
Flying brooms in the Swiss armed forces

A leaked picture, which is showing a group of soldiers who are flying over a concreted area on brooms and shovels, was given to the Federal Office by the acclaimed specialist journal Just Swiss Military Things the Swiss equivalent of Jane’s Defence Weekly. The photographer confirms that the broom picture were shot on a Swiss barracks site.

The British Ministry of Magic did not want to comment. Hogwarts however confirmed that a Swiss army team has registered for the next Quidditch World Cup. Allegedly a Quidditch unit trains at the Sportschule der Bundeswehr in Warendorf (Sports School of the German Armed Forces) the “Flying Wimps”. This unit is the result of a hard selection procedure which only the toughest of the toughest could pass.

The Federal Office for Magical Creatures now considers to equip the FOMC guard battalion with flying brooms too. Due to the fact that the task forces of the FOMC, following the decree of the German Parliament and can, after the submission of a UN mandate, be deployed outside Europe, members of the Arabic jinn department suggested to test flying carpets with camouflage B alongside flying brooms, because they are a bit less obvious.

Flying carpets with camouflage B

Before using flying brooms a man inspection has to be passed by the MÜV.
Before using flying brooms a man inspection has to be passed by the MÜV.

Based on the already used camouflage B the German army developed for their operations in Somalia in 1993/94 a camouflage pattern of three colours (dark green/dark brown/beige) for dry areas with plant residues respectively for steppes, which was wrongly called “desert camouflage”. Right now they are at the development stage of a real desert camouflage for deserts without vegetation with shades of grey and pink and a mountain camouflage for rocky mountain ranges and high mountains. Another variant camouflage, which is tested at present, is is a version for gravelly shores, wadi and oases. This variant however is intended only for the use of covering wassergängige small flying carpets.

The winter camouflage on the other hand is nor real camouflage but rather consists of big, ragged, green patches on a white base. These camouflage patterns was introduced in the 1960s only for the mountain troops but later adopted by the whole force, because of its good impact. Up to now this camouflage is said to be one of the most effective in winter regions and is one of the most copied camouflages in the world.

Flying carpets of this series are supposed to have a seating heater with particle soot filter run by biodiesel or deep fryer fat and to be tested and certified in accordance to the Euronorm 6.

Flying Brooms for the German Federal Armed Forces: Defence project „Iron Brush“

Federal Defence Minister Ursula von der Leyen is, according to reports, interested in using flying brooms and flying carpets foreign missions of the German forces. On the ministers notice the project “Iron Brush” was launched.

It is said that former development aide minister Dirk Niebel (cabinet Merkel II) brought back a flying carpet from Afghanistan in 2012 for test purposes. An extremely well-informed source reported that Niebel, who is now working for the German arms company RheinMetall, is in overall charge of the project “Iron Brush”, in which Siemens (Do you need it to work or is it okay, if it is produced by Siemens?) is also involved. According to the first cost estimate the development of flying brooms for the German armed forces amounts 1.2 billion Euro and will not be complete until 2050. To accelerate project “Iron Brush” advice will be given by Hartmut Mehdorn.

Flying brooms are exempt from tolls

The Federal Office for Magical Creatures avoids entering such fantastical considerations and remains on the hard bottom of reality. Flying brooms and carpets just have to be checked by the Magical Inspection Association (MÜV) and will get an inspection sticker for road and air traffic, if the pass the main inspection.

In a preliminary regulation the President of the FOMC ordered flying brooms to be exempted from tolls, because they are low-emission and therefore environmentally friendly. This will also apply for the special administrative zone Bavaria, which was entrusted to the Prussian hegemony Berlin for safekeeping by the United Nations.

 

Wahrlich, Dein Amt sagt Dir, künde vom Wirken des Bundeslurchs allenthalben und allüberall:

Über Hagen Ulrich

Hagen Ulrich, Jahrgang 1967, lebt mit Ehemann und sieben Katzen in Bonn am Rhein. Hexen, Drachen, Vampire und andere magische Wesen sind kein Problem, wenn man sie ordentlich verwaltet. Schließlich hat in Deutschland alles seine Ordnung. Basierend auf dieser Idee, entwickelte er die Idee einer Behörde, die sich um die Belange magischer Mitbürger kümmert. So entstand das Bundesamt für magische Wesen. Hagen Ulrich kam nach dem Besuch einer Ladys Night zu Twilight zum Schreiben und veröffentlicht seine Romane im Himmelstürmer Verlag in Hamburg.

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