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internAA: The new President of the Federal Office of Magical Creatures in exclusive interview

Not everyone takes on a completely new position at the age of 126. Edmund Friedemann Dräcker may have been born in 1888, but he’s still as fit as a fiddle today. A retirement that consists of withdrawing from public life is nothing for the oldest warhorse in German diplomacy though. In recent times the special missions the Foreign Office always entrusted him with have steadily become fewer and farther between. The world’s crises were never something the East Prussian and practicing Buddhist “Eddie” Dräcker ever really cared about though. So his decision to take on a task that appears made to measure was merely logical. Which is to say that recently Dräcker became President of the Federal Office for Magical Creatures. The principal authority sporting the Federal Lissamphibia on its coat of arms has its official seat in Bonn.

This is where its President afforded internAA an exclusive interview. As usual, Dräcker stood in the shadows so that no one could see him.

InternalAA magazine – Published by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs

internAA: Mr. Dräcker, not everyone has heard about the FOMC, so please tell me, what does the Office you now preside over actually do?

Dräcker: Well, that’s quite easy to explain. The Federal Office for Magical Creatures is the supreme federal authority for the interests of magical creatures.

internAA: Who are these beings?

Dräcker: You’re familiar with all of them: vampires count amongst them, as do elves and dragons, witches, of course, but also immigrant Irish Tylwyth Teg, Norwegian trolls, Iranian Senmurvs and Arabic jinns. The other day I had a North American Bigfoot in my office who wanted to apply for the position of Secretary. But I’ve had the same lady doing the job for last 66 years, so I really don’t want to have to get used to someone new.

internAA: The interests of magical beings from abroad used to be a matter for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. What’s changed?

Dräcker: Yes, that’s quite true. And the Ministry of Foreign Affairs always saw this task as a principal part of its function. The fact that it is no longer responsible doesn’t mean any loss of power though. In this case, it’s quite different. I still have an office at the headquarters in Berlin. It’s just that we want to harmonise dealings with magical creatures at European level. In Iceland, relations with magical creatures are a function of the municipality, in Norway, a function of the state, and in the United States, an affair for the private sector. But, I ask you, how can anyone see the wood for the trees with such different structures? So we had to think of something new. This is why the Federal Office for Magical Creatures was created in close coordination with our partners. And I’m putting all my energy into incorporating the Federal Office into an integrated global network of institutions who feel very strongly about the needs of our magical citizens.

internAA: That sounds more than a little bit like someone has their head in the clouds, Mr. Dräcker. Can you please more specific? In the light of things, what are the concerns of these beings?

Dräcker: Can you be a little bit more careful with that light please!

internAA: Oh, sorry, excuse me.

Dräcker: Not to worry, young man! The protection of minorities like genies, asylum law for childless witches persecuted by the Catholic Church, the right of gay vampires to an independent life, stay-at-home parenting credit for uneducated Bavarian jackalopes, all this and much more are considered tasks of the Federal Office. The work of the FOMC is very broadly based. But we are well positioned to deal with it.

InternalAA magazine – Published by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs

internAA: While preparing for this interview the question occurred to me whether magical beings actually exist. How would you respond to such an accusation?
Dräcker: Oh, absolute codswallop. The existence of magical creatures can be understood prima facie – as the lawyers would say – from the very existence of the authority itself. If there is a federal office, then there is also a job to be done. And if there is a Federal Office for Magical Creatures, then these beings really do exist. Or do you see things differently?

internAA: Erm, no, not at all. So what does a typical day at your office look like?

Dräcker: We try to promote tolerance in dealing with our fellow magical citizens. We want to reinforce the idea of mutual understanding, from nursery school onwards – where, for example, young orcs and inner-city kids from Neukölln meet for the first time. To see how similar we all are to one another is a formative experience for the kids. We do this by going on the road with mobile service points. We also advise the Federal Government: At the moment a resolution is being discussed in cabinet concerning an organic regulation for bio blood for health-conscious vampires. The FOMC has made a major contribution to this.

internAA: Ah-yes! Mr. Dräcker, in oh-so normally sleepy Bonn something very special has just happened. Can you tell our readers more about it?

Dräcker: You’re quite right, the magical realms recently convened for a G8 Conference, planning and organisation lay in the hands of the Federal Office.

internAA: You chaired the conference. How can that be possible when you always have to stay in the shadows, and no one has ever seen your face or what you look like?

Dräcker: Well, I simply sent a double in my place.

internAA: Mr. Dräcker, internalAA would like to thank you for the enlightening interview.

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